Asexual Dating - Dating Opportunities if you Don't Want to have Sex
Sex is a component of dating which, in many cases, is pretty much expected these days. As such, dating for those who consider themselves asexual (in this context meaning anyone who has no interest in or desire for sex; definitely a larger demographic than many realize) can be quite a daunting task. You can rest assured though that at the end of the day most people (at least those past college age) are looking for love, which is something that can be achieved by both sexual and asexual individuals.
TIP: Sign up for free with eHarmony, a dating website that focusses on emotional and intellectual compatiblity and finding matches on the same wavelength.
As an asexual trying to find a life partner, you're faced with unusual hurdles and complications. You don't want to have sex but you do want to have a relationship; impossible conundrum right? One thing to realize in this situation is that the prospect of actually dating another asexual might not be as far fetched as you'd believed. There are dating websites for everyone these days from fat people to bikers to Star Trek nerds to people in jail (I predict dating websites for household pets as the next major breakthrough); and if you think you're out of this loop because you're an asexual then you'll be pleasantly surprised by the results a search for “asexual dating” will yield on any search engine. The communities might not be huge but it's at least worth a look. There's also a bit of a growing phenomenon among the asexual community (I really think that if this catches on and more people hear about it then it will become quite popular as it increases visibility and sort of gives a secret club feel to the asexual demographic) which consists of simply wearing a black ring on one's right middle finger. So if you see someone wearing one of these rings you might be in luck. Purchasing a black ring for yourself might be a good idea as well. This is an idea for asexual identification that is still in its relative infancy, but it's referenced on many different high profile websites and the comparable “earring in only the right ear to signify homosexuality among men” thing is pretty widely recognized these days, so I think the black ring fad has potential. Be part of the movement.Meet millionaire men at MillionaireMatch.com.
When it comes to the prospect of dating a sexual person when you yourself are asexual, you should be up front and honest about your orientation. Trying to fake being sexual with someone just because you like them would be presenting yourself falsely and unfair to them, so be truthful. I think you'll likely find that a person's sexual attraction towards you is not dependent at all on your sexual attraction towards them. If anything, the notion that you're not really interested in physical intimacy might even intrigue your partner (in the same sense that it's easy to be attracted to a person who clearly considers themselves out of your league while it's easy to be turned off by someone who flings themselves at you).
If you find your relationship with a sexual individual to be moving forward smoothly with strong feelings being presented from both sides, sexual compromise should be considered as a possibility for the two of you to have a resentment free bond. While sex may not interest you in the least, would it really be any worse than eating a cup of flour or standing in the cold for ten minutes? Maybe eating a cup of flour once or twice a month (or however often you can bear tasteless powder) in order to keep the love of your life happy is worth the moments of relative discomfort. Furthermore, there are other ways to give someone an orgasm without actual intercourse. Any stimulation given by the opposite sex is going to be more enjoyable than standard masturbation (this is just how the body works) so lend your partner a hand sometimes. Even if you're the type of asexual who can't fathom the notion of engaging in intercourse without getting sick you should still be able to stomach manual stimulation, which is generally meant for the enjoyment of the one receiving the gift (it can be enjoyed by the person doing the stimulating but it can also be practically ignored). This is especially plausible if you're an asexual female dating a sexual male. The penis is a very easy instrument to play (just touch and stroke). If you're an asexual man dating a sexual woman then you might want to consider doing a little research on how to best “finger” a girl (I'll spare the details; there are literally hundreds of tutorials online on exactly this subject). Bringing a sex toy such as a vibrator into the equation might also be an idea; again you don't really have to pay that much attention to what you're doing (all the sexual sensations will belong to your partner) and the fact that you're not sexual shouldn't stop you from wanting to please the one you love now and again. When it comes to these sorts of sexual interactions that are solely for your partner, allow your partner to tell you what he or she likes. If you're willing to compromise a little, and the connection you share with someone is truly strong, then lack of sex should not disallow you from dating sexual people.
Romantic intimacy is not dependent upon sexual interactions. Sex in a relationship can be great but in the greater scheme of love it doesn't really compare to things like communication, honesty, understanding and that intangible, indefinable closeness. Being an asexual does not bar you from true love and intimacy, so be yourself, make the effort and you will find yourself living a happy and fulfilling life with the person of your dreams.
- Log in to post comments