When your Crush Likes your Best Friend

Cupid’s arrow flies in strange directions – just because a person loves someone doesn’t mean that his/her affections will be returned in the same way. But what makes things worse is that the return affections land on someone just a few steps away – like on a friend. So if you find that your crush likes your best friend, here are a few ways you can deal with the situation.

Stay cool

Even if you are dying inside to be with your crush, act cool – no making lovey-dovey eyes, giggling in front of him or flirting with her. While you needn’t go out of your way to avoid him/her, just don't make yourself visible all the time. Keep your interactions normal but not enthusiastic; for instance when you see him/her in the hall or in a café, say hello but leave it at that. This will enhance your mystery and might actually get your crush intrigued in what is going on with you – and who knows this may be the start of getting interested too.

Don’t fall out with your friend

Just because your crush happens to like your friend in a way that he/she does not feel towards you doesn’t mean that you should put your friendship in the cold storage. Your friend may or not know about your crush, but on the outside at least, keep your friendship going. Continue to do all the things that you used to together like shopping, going to the ball, bowling on Friday nights or going for a morning run three times a week. Good friends are a hard to come by and your best pal shows no hesitation towards being with you, there is no reason why you should ruin a good friendship just because your crush happens to like your friend more than you.

Talk to your friend

Unfortunately hiding your real feelings both to your friend and crush, day in and day out can get too stressful. So the only thing to do here is to have a chat with your best friend to find out whether he/she feels the same way about your crush. If your friend too admits to being attracted to your crush, perhaps it would be wiser to exit the situation since a one-sided love is anyday a poor competitor to mutual attraction. However it could also be that your friend is merely enjoying your crush’s company but has no romantic feelings for him/her. In this case you still have a chance and could look for ways to befriend your crush, spend time on mutual interests like sports or music so that your crush may like to value your company more than that of your friend. However if you realize upon talking to your best friend that she has mixed feelings for your crush – perhaps enjoying all the attention but is not serious about dating – then perhaps you take a risk and make your best friend aware of your feelings. A few things could happen next - Your best friend could stop unintentional flirting, which may be sending mixed signals to your crush. Or your friend could go a step further and let your crush know that he/she is not interested, even plugging that someone else is.

Explore other social avenues

If however you get the hint that your best friend too reciprocates the attentions of your crush, it may be better to ease yourself out of the situation. Perhaps till now, you three – you, your crush and you friend - were inseparable. But from now on consider hanging around with some other people. While you may continuing doing things with your best pal, if your crush drops in more than once or if your friend suggest that all three tag along to the movies, excuse yourself on grounds of a chore or another appointment. The point here is that your crush should not take you for granted or worse start using you to get near your friend. If at all your crush wishes to make his/her intentions known to your friend, he/she should do it directly and not use you as a crutch.

Start connecting with other people in your social circle; frequent places like a pub, hobby club or the college cafeteria where are likely to be many people you know and see if anybody would like to go swimming or biking or to a theater with you. Though you need not drop your best friend, explore the idea of making other meangingful connections. Tell yourself that you are not looking for a person to replace your friend but simply looking for companions who might enjoy the same things as you do.

Broaden your horizons

A great way to stop obsessing over your crush and your best friend is to get busy. Enroll in an evening class for a course on art or language that you always wanted to take; pick up an enjoyable, social hobby like dancing, cookery or team sports. All these will not only bring you in touch with more people and thus keep you from thinking again and again about your crush or friend but more importantly enhance your personality so that you will feel attractive and confident from within – all traits that are known for drawing people in social situations.

While you may be pained at your crush choosing your best friend over you, have faith in the popular saying that time is a great healer. The more you go out, mingle with new people and pursue different interests, the wider your social circle will be and sooner or later you are sure to meet someone who will bring more to the dating table than your erstwhile crush.