Gay Dating - How to Ask a Guy out on a Date

Asking somebody out on a date always carries a measure of uncertainty – the person may be uninterested or already seeing someone. In case of gay dating though there is the added complexity of how comfortable he is with his sexuality and in being seeing with a gay partner publicly. But this does not mean that you stop taking a chance. So here are some ways to ask a guy out and keep yourself open to a relationship.

Look in the right places

If you are genuinely interested in dating, then it would not do to sit and home and hope a handsome mail delivery man comes knocking on the door. Even if you are signed up with an online gay dating site, in order to meet someone in real life, you will have to get outdoors. And the more you frequent the right places, the higher are your chances of meeting someone who you can ask out. So first of all, make yourself visible – become a regular at cafes, bars and clubs where gay guys tend to gather. Alternatively, your town or city has a distinct gay neighborhood, you could check out art galleries, bookstores and other hangouts in order to meet someone with mutual interests. By putting yourself in the right venue, you will be taking the first step to meeting and asking a guy out.

TIP: Browse profiles of single gay men in your city looking for activity partners and dates.

Cue in to body language

Once you begin frequenting the right places, it will not be long before you spot someone you would like to ask out. You can start by making yourself increasingly visible to him – check out if he is  a regular at the café or bar and turn up at those times yourself. Then again if the guy is a book lover, make it a point to frequent the bookshop or library when he is around. The more visually familiar you are, the easier it will be to signal your interest. The best way to take this further is to use eye contact. If you catch his eye, hold the gaze for a second or smile at him. If you receive a return smile, say ‘hello’ and make a general remark about the place you are at or something else. if his response is positive, suggest that you drop in for a coffee or drink at someplace nearby. The friendly approach is the best when meeting someone you are interested.

Use humor

However if this approach seems too slow or roundabout to you, take steps to initiate a direct conversation so that you can ask him out. And humor is one of the best ways to do this. So the next time you spot someone likable, bring into play a witty remark or a funny anecdote; This works especially well if you and the guy share the same tastes in humor. For instance you could begin by saying, “You're too good looking for me. I only date short, fat, ugly, and bald men…” when the guy makes a mock incredulous face, follow up by saying “OK…Let me prove it to you. Ask me out on a date and I’ll reject you”. Then smile and look up questioningly at him. However when you use either flirtation or humor to ask a guy out and he accepts, always confirm quickly with the date, time and place. Once the guy a senses that you are not serious yourself, he may quickly wriggle out of his commitment.

Get flirting

This approach works best in a place like a bar or a nightclub where the very ambiance allows singles to get friendly with each other and offers scope for flirtation. So ask you get chatting with a guy, use moments of light flirtation to ask whether he would go out with you. For example you might look at him with a mischievous smile and say “I wouldn't think of going out with someone like you ... (a slow smile) ... Unless you ask ... (a low sexy laugh). Or else say something like “See that sexy guy over there. He already told me he won't go out with you but I know someone who will…” follow this up by brushing up closer to him or touching him innocently. This way you will not appear to have thrown yourself at him but at the same time, he will have got the message.

Ask him for a favor

However if the flirtatious approach is not for you, try something more discrete. One of the best ways of asking a guy out without making it obvious is to enlist his help with something that belongs to you. If a man is interested in you, he will surely agree to do you a favor. For instance think of something that this guy is good at. If it is computers, mention how you are having a problem with the antivirus in your home PC and would he take a look at it. However this tactic is best used in case of men you know well and trust them enough to allow them access to your home. In case you want to catch the attention of a relative stranger, you could use the same strategy with a few modifications; for instance instead of inviting the guy home to look up your car or DVD player, carry an small personal item in your purse that is broken but easy to fix on the spot like maybe a cell phone or your personal organizer. Of course the way to thank him for fixing your problem is to buy him a drink at happy hour or treat him to dinner at your favorite diner. Make it a date but don't call it that. Afterwards you could indicate what a good time you had and suggest a second meeting.

Suggest a friendly outing

If you happen to meet this guy at a dance class, a football match or a similar place of special interest, you could arrange an outing based on the interest and then invite him in a matter of fact way.  And if you too share his interests, so much the better. Start by working up his enthusiasm for your mutual interest and mention an upcoming event related to it. Then the next day tell the guy you have two tickets to a concert/game/book-launch. Mention that the pal you were planning to go with initially has changed his mind and now you have two tickets and no one to accompany you. Since you don't want to go alone or waste these tickets, ask if he would be willing to come along.

Invite a man into your personal space without calling it a date

This tactic works best when you are already enjoying a great equation with a guy – for instance you both could be avid readers and have the same favorite authors. Or you could be equally passionate about gay politics and share the same opinions. Once you realize that you have struck a rapport with the guy, say something like 'you know, I need to get going right now, but I want to continue this conversation. You're such an interesting person. I like going to the coffee shop down the street. Usually I go with friends but sometimes I go alone. Would you like to meet me there tomorrow night?’ This will ensure that the tone is casual but at the same time allow you both to enjoy each other’s company for a longer time.