Divorce Counseling and Emotionally Working through the Divorce Process

In almost all cases, seeking a divorce is a mentally and emotionally devastating process. Very rarely does a divorcing spouse move through the process without some type of emotional reckoning or breakdown. Often, the divorce process is associated with anxiety, depression, and severe emotional trauma resulting from both the divorce itself and the courtroom process.

During this difficult time, it is not uncommon for spouses embroiled in divorce litigation to seek divorce counseling. Many therapists and counselors work with currently divorcing or recently divorced spouses on a daily basis. No one should ever be ashamed of needing to attend counseling for divorce, as a divorce is one of the most trying emotional experiences that someone can experience.

Why Do People Get Divorced?

Given the severe emotional strain associated with a divorce, it is surprising that many would willingly subject themselves to the divorce process. However, there are many different reasons that people get divorced.

For some people divorce was the best way to escape a bad marriage. Often, a spouse’s misconduct can destroy a marriage either through infidelity, cruelty, or substance abuse. In these types of scenarios, the victim spouse often experiences substantial emotional trauma both in marriage and in the divorce process itself.

In other cases, spouses seek divorce simply because the marriage is no longer working. Perhaps the spark has left the relationship or either spouse is simply looking for something else that his or her current partner cannot provide. In these types of no-fault divorce situations, psychological trauma and depression can result from asking the very question why the divorce had to occur in the first place.

How Divorce Counseling Works

Like any other therapy session, divorce counseling involves recently divorced or currently divorcing spouses seeking a therapist or support group. Such sessions provide spouses with  an outlet to express their emotions and work through their problems in a safe and enclosed space with the guidance of a licensed psychiatric professional.

Divorce counseling often comes in two forms: individual counseling sessions and divorce support groups. Individual counseling sessions often occur one-on-one meetings either weekly or bi-monthly with a therapist during or shortly after the divorce process. Private divorce counseling sessions are similar to grief counseling in that the primary focus of the psychiatric treatment is helping the divorcing spouse work through the divorce process.

A divorce support group may also be an option that a spouse could consider in working through the divorce process. A divorce support group allows multiple different divorcing or recently divorced spouses to talk about their emotional issues regarding the divorce in a safe space. Group therapy has demonstrated unique therapeutic benefits, as it is often cathartic to share one’s issues with a large group of people dealing with similar circumstances who can understand that type of emotional strain. That said, it does take a not insignificant amount of bravery to voice one’s emotional issues to a large group of people. In particular, spouses who fear public speaking may fine one-on-one counseling more helpful. Divorce groups do not exist in all areas of the country, however, and particularly spouses living in rural areas may find it more difficult to locate an active divorce support group.

Divorce counseling may also occur alongside treatment for other psychiatric problems. Often, a divorce can exacerbate a spouse’s pre-existing depression or other life problems. It is not uncommon for divorcing spouses to seek therapy for multiple other issues in addition to their divorces. Most divorce counselors practice psychology in multiple different types of specializations and can also assist with those other problems.

If a spouse wishes to reconcile the relationship and seek marriage counseling rather than divorce counseling, that option is also available. That said, no spouse can drag the other into therapy, and so for marriage counseling to occur during the divorce process, both spouses must agree to attend counseling. 

Paying for Divorce Counseling

Unfortunately, counseling can often be very expensive for spouses. Given the potential financial strains that a divorce can create such as child support or alimony payments as well as splitting incomes, it can be difficult to find money in the budget for divorce counseling. Fortunately, many health insurance plans allow for at least one or two visits to licensed behavior specialists such as psychologists. If psychology and therapy visits are covered under a spouse’s health insurance plan, all that the spouse will be required to do is make co-payments.

Using the Therapeutic Process to Work Through a Divorce

Divorce is not an easy process either from a legal standpoint or an emotional perspective. Fortunately, therapy can be one way to help a recently divorced or divorcing spouse regain control over his or her life. Divorce counseling teaches real world skills that can help a spouse transition more easily into living without the assistance of his or her former companion. Planning for the future after divorce is an important first step to picking up the pieces after a marriage dissolves. Being single again after a long period of marriage can create significant anxiety, and it is important to be able to help clear your head and begin making future plans. Therapy and divorce counseling can make this process easier.

Additionally, talking about the divorce and your feelings about splitting up can be a wonderful mechanism to begin moving on. It is not uncommon for the emotional roller coaster of divorce to leave a spouse physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. Everybody occasionally needs some time to recharge and reconsider their circumstances. Divorce counseling can provide that opportunity in a safe and welcoming space. 

If you have recently been sued for divorce or have been involved in divorce litigation, you should consider seeking divorce counseling from a licensed therapist. The divorce process can result in severe anxiety and depression which may not be healthy to work through alone. If you are in the divorce process and are experiencing extreme depression or suicidal thoughts, you should immediately contact a therapist or dial 9-1-1 to receive immediate and possibly lifesaving treatment.