How to Get your Marriage out of a Routine

With marriages breaking up all around, you may wonder if infidelity is spreading like the flu. But many times it is not cheating which leads a marriage to unravel but simply boredom and the gradual dying away of love. All this, more often than not, is the result of a marriage falling into a rut and the partners too busy or too lazy to care. If you don’t want see yourselves going the same way, here are a few ideas on how to get your marriage out of a routine and make it fulfilling from one day to another.

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Agree to make it work

Most people believe that once you have snagged a mate and got married, there is no longer any need to work at a relationship. But the real challenge comes after the honeymoon. While dating you both are always at your best and make a genuine attempt to be likable so that your partner can choose you for a spouse. Once married however, you tend to loosen up and expect the relationship to take care of itself. Unfortunately this is not how it works and additional commitments at work and home don’t make things any easier. In fact every relationship including marriage is like a flowering plant; only if you keep nourishing it with water and feed, it will bloom. Or else it will gradually wither away and die. So if you wish to get your marriage out of a routine, first of all agree – preferably with your spouse - to make an effort to reviving it. Even if you cannot get your partner to work with you in the beginning, decide to start with small changes on your own and see how your spouse responds.

Make your marriage a priority

As two people settle into domesticity, other commitments eventually end up taking greater precedence over their marriage. There is always another bill to pay, the freezer to stock up, dinner to prepare and a final presentation to make for the boss. And when you are finally done at twelve in the night, all you can think of is going to sleep. In such a situation you tend to keep putting off spending quality time with your partner, mentally agreeing to do so when you finally get some free time. However it makes more sense to accept that with kids, home and a job you are extremely unlikely to find a weekend or even a day when there is nothing to do at all. So instead of waiting for such unrealistic event, why not make your marriage a priority too? Unromantic as it may sound, schedule some ‘us’ time together with your spouse on a daily basis. Talk, listen or simply be with each other during these fifteen or twenty minutes but make sure that everyday you give your partner some of your undivided time and attention.

Go on date nights

Remember how you would look forward to going for a movie or a dance together when you were dating? Even though you have kids at home now and deadlines to meet at work, make sure that you continue to go out on date nights. Leave the kids with a babysitter and work at your presentation during your lunch-break so that you can relax on your date. Dress up nicely and not only you will look great but your spouse will feel special too at the effort you took to smarten up for them. Then do something that you both enjoy like dancing at a nightclub or going for a concert. Likewise plan a vacation or at least a weekend getaway for just the two of you maybe once every three months. All this might require some advance preparation on your parts and even some nimble juggling of priorities but you will surely be grateful at the time you spent with each other. Make sure that you avoid discussing kids, bills and other chores during your date or vacation. Let this be a time solely for you to enjoy each other’s company, talk about your future and rediscover your love.

Do something together

Time was when you and your partner practically spent all your leisure hours together – shopping, bowling, cooking or simply taking a walk. Now with conflicting schedules and pressing commitments, perhaps you barely get to see each other. While it is only natural that with a larger family and greater work responsibilities you cannot afford to give a lot of time to your spouse, try and pursue at least one hobby with your partner. Think of what brought you together in the first place. If it a love for books, take time out to visit your local library every weekend and when possible, attend book launches or exhibitions together. On the other hand, if you both met in a hiking or biking club, set out on the trail a couple of times every month. Apart from allowing you to bond with each other, a mutual interest will keep the focus on an enjoyable activity and prevent your marriage from sinking into a rut.

Try out something new

A foolproof method to keep the spark alive in your marriage is to seek out the new. Instead of waiting for something different to happen to you, why not take your spouse and go ahead on an adventure of sorts? It could be as simple as trying out a new restaurant in town or something involved like taking up a new hobby together. On some days you may end up making a great discovery like a new pub which serves delicious steaks or a hidden talent for mimicry in your partner. On other days, the end result like a new play or a refurbished menu may not meet your expectations. But just the fact of being unpredictable and experimenting with something new can work wonders to break the routine in your marriage.

Explore various ways to love your spouse

One of the surest signs that your marriage is caught in a rut is when making love becomes infrequent or boring. If you want to keep the fires burning in your bedroom, you need to do something different. This is not to say that you have to turn into an acrobat overnight or memorize the entire Kamasutra but just that it might help if you can introduce some changes along the way. Surprise your partner by wearing red and black satin if you have stuck to white lacy nightwear till now. Or try out a long sensuous session with your spouse in the bath if the bed has been your usual lovemaking area. For something naughtier, put up a strip show for your beloved and watch them drop their jaws and perhaps much more!