Why Taken Guys Seem More Attractive?

You always wanted the best for your BFF and so you were naturally thrilled when she announced that she was getting engaged. Unfortunately your thoughts were far from as charitable as you watched her dishy fiancé do and say all the right things at the engagement party. In the end you were left asking the same question that has haunts so many single women across the world – why, oh why, all the taken guys seem so much more attractive than the ones who are available.

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Evidence in numbers

If you thought that you were the only one indulging in naughty thoughts about your pal’s fiancé or your married co-worker, fret not. The science section of New York Times carried a blog post on whether single women really seek attached men ¹. The blog quoted a report in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology by two social psychologists, Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker of Oklahoma state university as experimental evidence that single women are particularly drawn to other people’s partners. As part of the study, the researchers quizzed undergraduate students – men as well as women – about their ideal partners. The subjects were then showed a picture of the perfect match and while half of them were told the man/woman in the photo was single, the other half were told the ideal mate was attached. Results showed that it made little difference to the male subjects and women subjects already in a relationship, whether their match was single or attached. But single women showed a distinct preference for the taken men. When the man was described as unattached, 59 percent of the single women were interested in pursuing him. When that same man was described as being in a committed relationship, 90 percent were interested. This tendency of ‘mate poaching’ is perhaps a definite indicator that taken men seem to be more desirable to women than single men.

They are already pre-screened

The most practical explanation why the attached men seem the most attractive is that they already possess most of the qualities women seek in a partner – only they have been discovered by other women first. Thus such guys may or may not be attractive but they are more likely to have stable jobs, a healthy sense of responsibility and the ability to make you laugh. Single men on the other hand are more on an unknown quantity and even if they are smoking hot, women looking for mates are likely to subject them to a long intense scrutiny before they decide they will do. Taken men on the other hand have already passed through such a test and have been declared as potential partner-material, albeit by other women.

They have amazing PR managers in their girlfriends

Interestingly the more a woman praises her partner as smart, funny and caring, the more she - often unknowingly - fans the flames of mate poaching by her female friends. She may go on and on about how her boyfriend is an Ivy League alumnus, how he plays in a band and by the time she has got to the point where he has helped build schools in Afghanistan, her friends are already hungry for a piece of the pie. So if you already have a boyfriend, take care not to sing praises of his never-ending accomplishments, particularly before your single pals.

Women like what is popular

It is one of the quirks of the female nature to want what someone else has. The very fact that a guy is wanted at least by one woman – his current girlfriend – makes him hot or at least interesting enough to be desired by others. So while you may have been ignored, or tolerated at best, by the majority of girls in your class or workplace, after having hooked up with one of them you may find yourself attracting the buzz of many others.

They are considered ‘safe’

Once a guy is taken, women find it easier to open up to their hearts to them. Thus a guy may find his girlfriend’s pal pouring out her housekeeping woes, car troubles and even PMS symptoms to him; indeed he may even be moved to offer a shoulder of support one time too many. Eventually the intimacy emerging from this kind friendship is too much to ignore and the pal may find herself – willy-nilly – fall for the guy who is already taken.

The forbidden fruit

Finally the simplest explanation likes in the attraction of the forbidden fruit. Ever since Eve was asked not to taste the fruit of knowledge in the Garden of Eden, that is exactly what she wanted to do – little wonder then that same pull of the taboo attracts women to attached men even today. At the same time it would be rather unfair to single out women for feeling this kind of forbidden attraction since this is also the reason why many happily married men seek out the thrills of an affair. In the end it is all about the limited-edition golf set or the Prada dress or that men and women cannot have easily that makes them long for it even more. The same attraction comes into play for a man or woman who is off-limits and thus all the more desirable.

Reference:

The New York Times - Do Single Women Seek Attached Men?