Dealing with a Poorly Planned First Date

It is a rare soul that can claim to be immune to first date nerves. And with good reason too, since a first date is all about making the right impression. Whether you will be seeing your partner ever again depends a lot on how the first evening with him/her goes. Sometimes though a partner can be disappointing in the way he/she puts less than the required effort and as a result the evening ahead doesn’t look too promising. But instead of giving up all hope, here are a few ways you can deal with a poorly-planned first date.

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Suggest easy alternatives

If your partner calls you up out of the blue and suggests that you meet up within an hour, it definitely falls in the category of poor planning. Dating convention demands that you are given at least a day’s notice before fixing up a date and ideally, two or three days. This is mainly so that you are able to schedule your work and other social appointments accordingly. At the outset, not giving you enough time to prepare for a date seems to indicate a temperamental and impulsive character, one who is hardly good news if you are looking for a sensible and responsible life partner. However being impulsive is not necessarily bad – it could imply someone who is fun, spontaneous and willing to make use of the best opportunities at hand.
Also it may be someone who you have been eyeing for some time and as such you may be loathe to let go of a date with this girl or guy, no matter how hastily planned. If this is the case, you need to think quickly and suggest a place that is not too far from your home so that you don’t waste time in negotiating traffic or spending two hours on the road.  If possible, suggest meeting up over coffee or lunch which will be over sooner than compared to a full-blown evening date which could extend for several hours.



Keep it simple

It is easier for a date to fall flat if it involves long or complicated activities. On the contrary simple activities which do not take forever are the best options if you find that your date has not thought things through. So even if you and your partner share an interest in Renaissance painting, a first date is not the time to attend a lecture cum workshop on the Italian Masters; rather keep that for the third or fourth date when the comfort level between you two has increased and you are OK with spending long hours in each others’ company. Ideal first date ideas should be planned around activities that offer a point of interest but does not preclude conversation. For instance if you meet at a lonely bar with nothing to do, it is most likely going to be an awkward affair. On the other hand noisy places like a rock concert or those like an opera where conversation is not possible will hardly offer you both any chance of getting to know each other. Rather go for an amateur night at your local comedy club or suggest a quick tour at your town museum. If you both like each other but find yourselves merely nervous, muddle along as best as you can. Lots of couples have had bad first dates but were able to plan things better the next time.

Don’t linger

However if you find that you and your partner do not have anything in common, go along with the date as best as you can, but end it as soon as it is polite to do so. For instance you can agree to a quick dinner with your date, but excuse yourself from after-dinner drinks if it is tentatively suggested to you. You can also make a quick exit by hailing a cab back home instead of waiting for your partner to drop you. Be firm but polite as you assure your date that there is no need for him/her to accompany you to your doorstep.

Make your choice

One of the most irritating parts about a poorly-planned date is that you are left with no room to suggest alternatives. Your partner may have already chosen the restaurant or nightclub and you are perhaps left with no option but to acquiesce, however reluctantly. It may not be possible for you to change the venue, but you still may be able to salvage the situation. For instance if you find your partner taking you to a cheap place, don’t hesitate to order the most expensive item on the menu and pair it up with the costliest wine that they have got. Or if you find the club your partner has chosen, bursting with teens as it is a students’ night, suggest that you both move to the private lounge even if you know that there the services are more expensive. You are well within your rights to make your choice known distinctly, if you have been landed with a poorly-planned date in the first place. And it is always better to do speak up, instead of agonizing over a wasted evening silently.

Don’t take risks

If you realize that your partner has not planned your first date as you would have liked it to be, you might be sorely tempted to invite him to your place and thus take charge of the evening. Alternatively you may think nothing of suggesting that you meet him at his place with a couple of DVDs and ordering in some dinner. However if you don’t know this guy well – and on a first date this is the likeliest scenario – then it is better not to meet him at a private place. Your personal safety should be your foremost concern and it is best not to take chances with your security.

Just leave

You may have steeled yourself to endure a poorly-planned date, but if you find your date behaving in a cheap or obnoxious manner, there is no reason why you should not leave. If your partner is insulting, mean or plain miserly, gather your belongings and mention that you need to leave earlier than you had anticipated. It is far better to take a definite stand rather than to suffer through an evening in a way you don’t deserve to.