When your Friend with Benefits Starts Dating Someone Else

Friends with benefits refers to a situation where two friends from opposite sexes discover they are physically attracted to one another and agree to share a strictly sexual relationship. Neither party is considered committed to the other and either can start dating someone else at any time with prior warning. But with a thing as variable as the human heart, it is not unusual for a casual arrangement to get sticky. So if you find that your friend with benefit is dating someone else, here are a few tips to help you come to terms with the situation.

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Take it easy

Ideally in a friends with benefits relationship, there should be zero emotional attachment to the partner. If this is true of your arrangement too, then your ‘friend’ dating someone else should not really matter to you. What you and your sex buddy have is a purely physical and mutually enjoyable arrangement. The two of you need not go through the whole charade of dating to get in bed and often the comfort level during sex is higher since you are already know each other from before. Since there is no emotional investment into your arrangement, whoever one partner sees or dates outside your time together should leave each one unconcerned.

Don’t let emotions rule

But if only human emotions were such straightforward things. If your friend with benefit starts dating someone else, it is quite possible that you will feel a twinge of jealousy. It can be very difficult to separate emotions from sex and to your surprise you may feel a kind of resentment towards your sex buddy and perhaps even the person he/she is dating. In such a situation, the best thing to do is to remind yourself of the reason why you got into a friends with benefit relationship in the first place – to keep the focus on mutually enjoyable sex and avoid the complications of a relationship. Now if you start obsessing about your friend with benefit dating another person, you are inviting the same kind of emotional involvement you chose to stay clear of since the start. So as far as possible try and maintain an emotional distance with your sex buddy – there is no need to stop your sexual encounters at once but ensure that you avoid all activities that signal emotional attachment like hanging out with each other, calling him/her repeatedly, cooking/dancing/going on a long drive together.

Keep yourself busy

At the same time, get yourself busy in the rest of your social scene – go out with friends for game of tennis or a round of golf; socialize with people from your workplace and stay back for a few after-hour drinks; if possible, ring up old friends, acquaintances and perhaps even former flames and ask if they would meet over coffee. Leading a varied social life will help you avoid obsessing with your “friend’s” personal life and who he/she is dating.

If you feel ignored

An even greater complication that could arise from your friend with benefit seriously dating someone else is when that relationship begins to eat into your time together. Even if you're not emotionally involved with your “friend”, you may start resenting the sudden denial of regular sex. After all you have this was an arrangement which suited you admirably in the past –  letting you enjoy sex minus the hassles of a relationship. Now with the arrival of your ‘friend’s’ date on the horizon, you may feel not getting enough sex or that your ‘friend’s’ heart is less into it. Indeed when you all hang out together with your ‘friend’ and his/her date, it could be suddenly like hanging out with an ex, minus the actual breakup part. And in all probability, the date will hate you a little, knowing the history of sexual relationship between you and the ‘friend’.

You have been replaced

In an extreme situation, you may even find yourself replaced unceremoniously by a ‘friend’ who has decided to go exclusive. Your ‘friend’ might suddenly meet someone he/she wants to date seriously and thus want to opt out of the arrangement with you. Or he/she may lose interest after the novelty of the arrangement has worn off and wish to replace you with another friend-cum-sex partner. Thus before you engage on a casual relationship, ensure that you are protected from the emotional impact of such possibilities so that you do not end up feeling lonely and depressed.

Intimate relationships, no matter how practically you approach them, are apt to get messy. Just like It is quite possible for a friend with benefit to start expecting a little more than a merely sexual relationship, it is also likely that you will find yourself relegated to an outsider status when your ‘friend’ starts dating someone else. Under such circumstances, it is best to keep emotions out of the equation. If your friend doesn’t mind some action on the side, then by all means keep the arrangement you have; but if he/she seems reluctant to spend less time with you, shrug your shoulders and move on. There is no use getting jealous and competing with the date to get your ‘friend’ back – in a friends with benefit arrangement, it is understood that there is no exclusive commitment or towards any partner and that is how you should go about in case your ‘friend’ starts dating someone else.