When your Ex is Seeing Someone Else

It is always difficult to get over a breakup. No matter which partner was at fault and who initiated the breakup, when a relationship ends it is bound to bring in its wake pain and regret. But the process of coping becomes that much more difficult when you get to know that your ex has lost no time in moving on. However here are a few things you can tell yourself and do when your ex starts seeing someone else after your breakup.

It is alright to feel sad

When you realize that your ex has started seeing someone else, you might feel as though the relationship meant nothing for your ex and that they never even really loved you. Or else how can anyone move on so quickly? What for your ex may be an adequate period of mourning the end of a relationship, might seem too short for you and his/her return to the dating scene way too soon. Accept that it is natural for you to feel so sad and even cheated at watching your ex move on to another partner. In fact, if the latter is someone your ex knew even while you were together, you may even feel that they had been meeting each other behind your back. Understand that this is a time when things are confusing and it is quite hard to distinguish the reality from appearances and conjectures. Go on with your process of healing since until you are calmer in mind and more objective in your thoughts and only then, it will be impossible to understand what really happened.

Get back with your ex with this step-by-step guide.

Understand that it could be on the rebound

If your ex has already begun to see someone barely a couple of weeks after breaking up with you, it is most likely a rebound relationship. It is extremely tempting to get involved with someone new right after a breakup since it not only assures the person that he/she still has what it takes to attract others but actually allows one a welcome distraction from all the heartache following a breakup. But even if you know that your ex is not seeing someone else on the rebound, resist falling into the trap yourself. Seeing your ex move on to another partner, you may be tempted to search for a replacement yourself; but unless you have healed from within, no amount of external distractions can enable you to really leave the past behind. Above all, it is hardly fair on the new partner to be wanted merely as a means of forgetting the past instead of the person he/she actually is.

Be honest with yourself

If it has been some time, say a couple of months, after your breakup and seeing your ex with someone else still hurts, then you need to reflect on your true feelings. Examine your thoughts and see if you had been entertaining hopes of getting back with your ex. Such expectations are hardly unusual and quite often estranged couples have been known to get back together after a brief period of separation during which they probably had the time and space to analyze their individual priorities. If you have been doing the same, perhaps you should be aware that winning back your ex from the arms of a new partner will be a long process, full of ups and downs. You will have to start from scratch in order to create conditions for mutual trust and respect and at the same time be patient enough to watch another person paying attention to the one you secretly love. Getting back together with an ex is not exactly impossible but will include its own challenges and specific ways of going about it.

Let the past be

If on the other hand, you are quite certain that you have no thoughts about getting back your ex, it may be easier for you to accept that it is time for your ex – and you, as well – to let go of the past and start seeing someone else eventually. Start off by removing yourself as far as possible from the sight of your ex and his/her new partner. If the two of you had remained in touch even after the breakup, stop all contact with your ex by phone, chat or emails. Take another route to work if you had been bumping into each other while commuting or change your gym timings if that is where you continued to meet him/her. Tell yourself that your ex going back to dating has nothing to do with what you both shared at one time and how he/she felt about you then.

Get on with your life

Finally, bring focus back on yourself instead of obsessing over who your ex is seeing and why. Keep yourself busy with work or a take up a new set of hobbies. Do all that you could not while in the relationship like traveling abroad, going for a walking tour or keeping a pet. In fact now that you have more time at your disposal, join a course or learn a new language. This will not only help you to push away thoughts of your ex into the farthest corners of your mind, but also bring you in touch with newer people who know little and care less about your past. Remember that your energy should be focused on your own process of moving on and not your ex’s.  He/she seems to have managed pretty well without you and now it’s your turn to do the best you can for yourself, which includes much more than finding a guy/girl to hang out with.

So whether you wish to get back with your ex or are looking forward to meeting new people, the fact that your ex is seeing someone else is not the end of the world. If in fact, you are thinking of a reconciliation, giving your ex enough space to date others could be an important step to getting back together with him/her. And if it is not so, knowing that ex has started seeing someone else may be just the thing you need to help you move on.