Bridal name change - changing your name after the wedding

While all your thoughts are occupied with planning your wedding and creating memories to last a lifetime, there are other things that will stay with you long after the last toast has been made and the last grain of rice or confetti tossed. Your name. Whether or not you choose to change it all down to individual preference – that of the bride, as it has been part of her identity for a long time and is a very personal decision – and to a certain extent, how strongly the groom feels about it too.

A large majority of brides still go with the age-old tradition of giving up their maiden name in favour of their husband’s name and in this case, it’s a win-win situation, with both parties happy.

However, if you, as a bride, have certain reservations about adopting your husband's name, or are quite certain that you would like to retain your maiden name, examine your reasons for doing so and discuss them freely and frankly with your groom. Assure him of your love and let him know why you are opting not to take on his name. He may be extremely open to what you have to say and may not have a problem with your decision. But then again, he may have reservations and mixed feelings of his own and you will have to work it out as a couple or arrive at some sort of compromise, so that you don’t start your marriage on the wrong note. If you have his whole-hearted approval, it will make you feel good about whatever decision you make.

Why you should take his name…

It just gives you that added edge to being a ‘together forever’ kind of couple. That you have entered into the marriage with all the best intentions of making it last and by changing your name to his and attending to all the legalities it entails, you’re showing him you care enough to send out the message that ‘this is for keeps.’

If you’re planning a family together, it won’t cause any confusion at a later stage, when you have to be addressed by your children’s teachers or their friends etc. It would be rather odd for them (and for your child), to have one parent addressed as Mr. Smith and the other as Ms. Harris.

And of course, if you always hated your own last name, or felt it just didn’t sound nice with your first name, this is the perfect opportunity to roll your tongue around a potentially new surname and give it a chance. After all, ‘A rose by any other name…’, and all that jazz!

Why you might not want to…

A bride may want to retain her maiden name because of professional reasons. If she has already gained a formidable reputation in her field of work or area of expertise, she may experience misgivings that changing her name may result in her losing, or partially sacrificing, the reputation she has garnered, and all that she has worked so hard to achieve up to this stage. Earlier, women married younger and often careers weren’t such a big deal, as they were still at a fledgling stage. With women now marrying later, their careers tend to be more established with far more at stake.

If you’ve always been a hard-core feminist and have felt very strongly about the ‘why the woman, not the man’ issue, then it may really go against your grain to contemplate changing your name.

There have been instances where the bride didn’t want to change her name because there were no males left to carry on the name and she just didn’t want to let the name die a sudden death! Or even brides who loved the way their maiden name and first name sounded together and found the potentially new surname to be rather harsh or just not ‘quite right’.

On the other hand, if you don’t want to change your name entirely but still want to keep your husband-to-be happy, there are various options and combinations available on this score, when changing your name after getting married.

The bride may choose to hyphenate her maiden name with her husband's surname or even decide to retain her maiden name as her middle name and take on her husband’s surname. Both have become very popular and provide a sense of balance and compromise, as well as providing the bride the security of not feeling like she has lost her identity completely.

If she wants to have her cake and eat it too, she may opt to retain her maiden name professionally but otherwise be known by her married name. As long as she doesn’t suffer from feeling like a split personality, this keeps all parties satisfied!

There are, of course, the rarer examples of the husband taking on the bride's last name or the couple doing the liberated thing and especially if neither of them ever liked their original last names, combining them to come up with an innovative satisfying alternative - new name altogether!

Legalities and whom you should notify

If you have decided to change your name, or at least modify it, it’s time to really get into the practicalities and all that it will entail. The first stop shop is generally your local ward office/municipal office where you will be advised on how you should go about it. Depending upon the rules of the concerned state, you might have to notify appropriate government agencies, file a petition for change of name, produce appropriate documentation and pay the fees as specified. If you don’t have the time or the energy to pursue the legalities, you could also contact an attorney who will complete the necessary paperwork.

Once your name change is legal, you will have to sort out your other important documents to reflect your change of name…

• Social Security Card
• Driver’s license
• Passport
• Insurance policies
• Voter registration
• Credit card companies

Agencies you will need to inform:

• Your employer
• Your bank
• Internal Revenue Service / Tax collection agencies
• Utility companies
• Post office
• Club, so that membership details may be amended

It is advisable to change your name across the board so that it reflects uniformly and there is no scope for ambiguity anywhere. You will definitely require your marriage license and birth certificate, so keep plenty of copies handy.

Informally, for your social network, you might decide to convey your chosen name to your circle of family, friends and acquaintances through thank-you notes that you send out.

Before or after (the honeymoon)…that is the question…

Many couples, especially when the brides are resolute about ditching their maiden name totally in favour of their husband’s last name, are often in a hurry to use their newly acquired surname in haste…only to repent at leisure. Should you change your name and use it before or after the honeymoon?

It is often best to make your reservations in your maiden name. In order to implement a name change, the marriage license is required, which often isn’t ready till just before the wedding. With the last minute, frenzied pace of wedding preparations, there isn’t really time to get into changing your name on your passport, driver's license etc., which will cause problems if your name on the tickets doesn’t match the name on your passport.

There are, however, countries that have a problem with a passport in your maiden name (though it might help to also carry your marriage certificate with you). Depending on your honeymoon destination, you might have to get the necessary paperwork done to change your name on the passport. Check with your travel agent to clarify the same, as well as visa formalities of the concerned country.

However don’t let any of these details stop you from checking in as Mr. and Mrs. Honeymooning Couple Smith!